The Tragedy of Dinobot, Prince of Denmark
by NefertariHime
Summary: You knew it was coming... The Hamlet/Beast Wars fusion! Now with 100% more Quickstrike hillbilliness. First act now complete!
1. Notes and Dramatis Personæ

_The Tragedy of_  
**Dinobot, Prince of Denmark**

_Notes: I'm surprised this hasn't been done before, but there you go... A bastardisation of Shakespeare's appearantly most famous play, starrring our dear Beast Warriors (I know I should try for one of the other generations, but G1 bores me, and I've seen far too little of RiD and Armada to write of it). _

There are some mature (read: not at all) humour here, so be warned. Nothing graphic, though, obviously, or the rating would be higher. Hey, I think I'm getting the hang of this rating thing. :D 

For anyone about to yell at me for butchering the Bard, kids, you're looking at a person who was reccomended by her English teacher to look into an education as a Shakespeare researcher. I almost know what I'm doing. Almost. 

For those who're utterly confused about why anyone would come into a hissyfit over such things, trust me, there are some weird people out there, and I don't mean the good weird. 

There's a slight slash warning. Boohoo. 

For everyone, then, do have fun. 

~

**Dramatis Personæ**

Bernardo, an officer; _performed by Tigatron_   
Fransisco, a soldier; _performed by Cheetor_   
Marcellus, an officer; _performed by Airrazor_   
Horatio, a student; _performed by Megatron_   
Claudius, a king; _performed by Quickstrike_   
Gertrude, a queen; _performed by Blackarachnia_   
Polonius, an advisor; _performed by Tarantulas_   
Laertes, a student; _performed by Rhinox_   
Ophelia, a maiden; _performed by Rattrap_   
Hamlet, a prince; _performed by Dinobot_   
Hamlet, senior, a former king; _performed by Silverbolt_   
Rosencrantz, a courtier; _performed by Terrorsaur_   
Guildenstern, a courtier; _performed by Waspinator_   
Reynaldo, a servant; _performed by Ravage_   
Osric, a courtier; _performed by Inferno_   
Fortinbras, a prince; _performed by Optimus Primal_   
Gravediggers; _performed by Depth Charge and Rampage_

Lords, ladies, officers, soldiers, sailors, messengers, and other attendants. 


	2. Act One, Scene One

_The Tragedy of_  
**Dinobot, Prince of Denmark**

**~~ACT ONE~~**

**Scene one:**   
_[Elsinore, Denmark; cold and cloudy as all out hell, which is not unusual there, but nevermind... Cheetor is guarding; enter Tigatron]_

Tigatron: Who's there? 

Cheetor: ::Screams like a girl and stumbles, spinning:: Huh?! 

Tigatron: ::Sighs:: Cheetor, right... ::Steps into view:: Calm down, Francisco, it's just me. 

Cheetor: ::Pants:: Geez, why dontcha just kill me? 

Tigatron: ::Twitches a bit, but resists:: It's late. You can head in now. 

Cheetor: Thanks, man. I'm freezin' my tail off out here! 

Tigatron: ::Mutters a bit:: 

Cheetor: ::Suddenly screams like a girl again:: Who's there?! 

Megatron: ::Winces:: Bloody hell. When did you have him neutered? 

Airrazor: ::Sighs:: Not soon enough. It's us; just us. 

Cheetor: Phew... Well, all right. Bernardo's waitin' for ya, back there. I'm off to bed. 

_[Exit]_

Airrazor: Tigsy-- er... Bernardo! 

Megatron: ... 

Tigatron: Who's there? Marcellus? Is Horatio with you? 

Megatron: ::Growls:: I refuse to answer to that retarded name. 

Airrazor: ::Elbows him:: Yeah; a piece of him. So you've seen IT again tonight? 

Tigatron: ::Surprisingly calmly, considering that they're talking about a ghost:: Nah, not yet. 

Megatron: ::Looks heavenward with a superior sigh:: There are no such things as ghosts. 

Airrazor: Oh, yeah? Then what about Starscream? 

Megatron: ... Temporary fit of insanity on Waspinator's part. 

_[They both give him a sceptic look]_

Megatron: ::Defensive:: It was! 

Airrazor: Whatever. Just you wait and see. 

Tigatron: ::Psychotic giggle:: Yeah; it'll scare the ailerons right off you. 

Megatron: ... ::Shifts away from Tigatron:: 

Airrazor: ::Screams like a guy:: There! There it is! 

_[They all spin to face Silverbolt who enters nobly, to much fanfare]_

Tigatron: It looks exactly like the dead king! Talk to it, Horatio! 

_[Silence reigns]_

Airrazor: ::Sighs:: Talk to it, Megatron! 

Megatron: ::Smirks:: What are you? 

Silverbolt: ::Looks very noble and expectant, waving his hands a bit in encouragement:: 

Megatron: ::Growls and hams it up:: What ART thou, that USURP'ST this time of NIGHT, together with that FAIR and WARLIKE form in which the majesty of buried Denmark - ::fake sad look:: - did sometimes MARCH?! By heaven I charge thee, SPEAK! 

Airrazor: ::Sighs:: Dude, tone down the Olivier... 

Silverbolt: ::Looks nobly offended and dramatically sweeps around stage:: 

Tigatron: Now look what you did! 

Megatron: ::Pouts:: Shut up. ::To Silverbolt:: Speak, speak! I charge thee, speak! 

_[Exit Silvebolt]_

Airrazor: ::Smacks Megatron over the head:: You chased him off! 

Megatron: Hey! No, I didn't! ::Thinks fast:: It was the, er... cock that crowed the entrance of dawn! Yeah, that's the ticket... 

Tigatron: But it's only three AM, and the cock didn't-- 

Megatron: ::Firmly:: It did. 

Airrazor: Whatever. ::Grumbles:: Well? Didn't it look just like our dearly, departed king? 

Megatron: I don't know about dearly; dorky, certainly... Maybe even geeky... 

Tigatron: ::Reprimanding:: Have you been watching "Fire on the Mountain" again? 

Megatron: ::Doesn't answer:: But, yeess! It looked exactly like Halmet, the elder, as he were when he slew the king of Norway and left the king's brother to rule, with the prince swearing unspeakable revenge upon his head! ::Aside:: Everybody got that? ::Back to the others:: How often has he done this before? 

Airrazor: ::To herself:: Can you even say 'slew'? ::Clears throat:: At least twice, now, scaring the ailerons right off us each time! 

Tigatron: ::Psychotic giggle:: 

_[Both shift away from him]_

Megatron: ::Pondering:: I see... Something must be amiss. ::Blinks and squeeks:: It's coming back! Bugger! 

Silverbolt: ::Sweeps in once more, looking so very noble:: 

Airrazor: Heeeeeeyyyy! You said the cock had crowed! 

Megatron: So I lied! Be quiet, would you? All right, ghost, once more I bid you to speak, and none of that nancy Shakespeare quoting! 

_[The cock crows; exit Silverbolt, running off stage]_

Megatron: ::Quickly:: It was real this time. 

Tigatron: It was about to speak when the cock crowed. 

Airrazor: Ain't that just typical? 

Megatron: ::Sighs:: We must tell young Hamlet - ::Snickers:: Hammy Hamlet; how fitting - of this strange and awesome vision in its most accursed wanderings. 

Airrazor: All right, now you're just making stuff up. 

_[Exeunt]_


	3. Act One, Scene Two

_Spot the "Beauty and the Beast" reference (blame Albedo's parody for that one)!_

_The Tragedy of_  
**Dinobot, Prince of Denmark**

**~~ACT ONE~~**

**Scene two:**   
_[Elsinore castle; Quicstrike, Blackarachnia, Dinobot, Tarantulas, Rhinox, two messengers and various attendants are present]_

Quickstrike: All right, all y'all; ah know yer thinkin' it's a bit weird on mah part to marry mah former sister-in-law turned sugarbot so soon after Fuzz N' Feathers kicked the bucket, but ah reckon it'll help the kingdom in gettin' outta the doom and gloom it's dog gone into after that whole mess. 'Sides, ah needed to get laid. 

Blackarachnia: ::Whacks him over the head:: 

Quickstrike: ::Sheepish:: Sorry... Anyway, news have arrived about Fortinbras, prince of Norway, who, if y'all recall the exposition from last scene, is after Denmark cuz he doesn't know when to let go. Ah reckon we get his uncle to spank him back into place. ::Throws a letter to the messengers:: Git! 

_[Exit messengers]_

Quickstrike: So Laertes, mah horny fella-- 

Blackarachnia: ::Facepalms:: 

Quickstrike: --what can ah do ya for? 

Rhinox: ::Looks a bit perturbed, but snaps out of it; clears throat:: Dread my lord, your leave and favour to return to France; from whence though willingly I came to Denmark, to show my duty in your coronation; yet now, I must confess, that duty done, my thoughts and wishes bend again toward France, and bow them to your gracious leave and pardon. 

Quickstrike: ... What'd he say? 

Rhinox: Am I the only one who follows the script?! 

Megatron: ::Off stage:: Yes! 

Tarantulas: ::Quickly cuts in:: He has my leave to return to France, sire. 

Quickstrike: ::Lightbulb:: OHHHHHH! Oh, okay. Sure. Have a blast, kid. Anyway, movin' on - where are ya, Hamlet, mah nephew an' son? Ah wanna see you. 

Dinobot: ::Sulking in the shadows:: A little more than kin, and less than kind. 

Quickstrike: What's with the gloom? Ah reckon them clouds gotta clear sometime? 

Dinobot: ::Growls:: I am all ready too much in the sun, my _lord_... 

Blackarachnia: ::Snorts:: So... what? You're just going to keep sulking until you get your way and I get a divorce? 

Dinobot: No! ::Sulks and razzes:: 

Quickstrike: Erm... Hamlet, ya know, it's all very sweet an' all that y'all wanna mourn yer pa. But son, ya gotta move ahead in the great rodeo of life; grab that bull by them horn and _yank_! Y'all gettin' me here? 

Dinobot: ... Not even remotely. 

Quickstrike: What ahm tryin' ta say is... Everybody croaks. Don't be a sissy about it. ::Nods, proud:: 

Dinobot: ::Dryly:: Your sensitivity to the subject is astounding, uncle. 

Quickstrike: ::Beams:: Yeah. Anyway, that was just one thang. Another is - listen, son; yer ma and ah've been thinking-- 

Dinobot: A dangerous passtime. 

Quickstrike: ::Dead serious:: Ah know. 

Blackarachnia: ::Facepalms:: Moron... 

Quickstrike: ::Oblivious:: We want y'all ta stay here, cheer up in the family bosom, ya followin'? Ah mean, yer in no condition to return ta Wittenberg, all wuzzin' out and-- 

Blackarachnia: ::Interrupts:: You're traumatised. Please, don't let me lose my prayers. Stay. 

Rhinox: ::Off stage; indignant:: She _almost_ followed the script! 

Megatron: ::Off stage; growls:: Almost. 

Dinobot: ::Blinks at them, then turns back to Blackarachnia and sulks:: Fine. 

Quickstrike: ::Fires a venom blast at the ceiling:: YEE-HAW! Ah reckon we're all set! C'mon, sugarbot! Ah think it's time ta get drunk! 

_[Exeunt all but Dinobot]_

Dinobot: Grargh! ::Hams it up:: O, that this too too solid flesh would MELT! THAW! And resolve itself into a dew! OR that Primus had NOT barred His Matrix from self-slaughter! O, God! O, GOD! 

Rattrap: ::Off stage; chokes back giggles:: 

Dinobot: ::Under his breath:: Uncultured vermin. ::Still overacting:: How WEARY! STALE! FLAT! and UNPROFITABLE seem to me all the uses of this world! Fie on't! O, FIE! 'tis an unweeded garden that GROWS to seed; things RANK and GROSS in nature possess it merely! 

Megatron: ::Off stage:: Get to the point! 

Dinobot: ::Sulks a bit and does the abbreviated version:: That she would marry again after my father had been dead for only two months, after putting on like she only loved him! O, frailty, thy name is woman! 

Airrazor: ::Off stage:: Hey! 

Megatron: ::Off stage:: He said woman. As in, female. ::Clang:: Ow! 

Dinobot: ::Growls and goes back to the proper version:: Why she, even SHE,--O, Primus! a beast that wants dISCOURSE of REASON, would have mourn'd longer,--married with mine UNCLE, my FATHER'S BROTHER; but no MORE like my father than I to HERCULES! ::Hams it up further:: within a MONTH! Ere yet the salt of most unrighteous tears had LEFT the flushing in her GALLED EYES, she MARRIED! O, most WICKED speed, to post with SUCH dexterity to incestuous sheets! ::Going for the Oscar here:: It is NOT, nor it cannot COME to good! but BREAK my heart,--for I must hold my tongue! 

_[Enter Megatron, Airrazor and Tigatron]_

Megatron: ::Rubs his head, glaring at Airrazor:: Hail, my lord. 

Dinobot: ::Still in ham mode:: HORATIO! 

Megatron: ::Winces:: 

Dinobot: ::Clears throat:: Sorry. What brings you from Wittenberg? ::Smirk:: Lazy? 

Megatron: ::Glares:: No. I came for your father's funeral. And to learn how to drink; you always seemed adept at that, my lord. ::Smirk:: 

Dinobot: ::Glares and grits:: More likely you came for my mother's wedding. 

Megatron: ::Nods:: It was very close by. Guess your mother's been around the block a bit with that speed. 

Dinobot: Keep my mother out of this! 

Megatron: ... ::Raises optic ridge:: 

Dinobot: ::Blinks and sulks:: Oh. Right. 

Megatron: ::Snickers:: 

Dinobot: ::Sighs and gets back in character:: Ah, my father, Horatio; I think I see my father. 

_[Silence]_

Airrazor: ::Facepalms and elbows Megatron:: Just play along! 

Megatron: ::Sigh:: Fine. Where, my lord? 

Dinobot: In my mind's eye, Horatio. ::Sad sigh:: 

Megatron: ::Snort:: I've got you beat. I saw him yesterday. 

Dinobot: ::Glares:: You always have to do better than me, don't you... 

Megatron: ::Smirks:: Well, I did. He appeared as an armed ghost and disappeared as the cock crowed. Err... the second time it crowed. 

Airrazor: ::Glare:: Right... 

Dinobot: ::Frowns a bit:: Have you been dipping into that 'special Energon' Terrorsaur has lying around? 

Megatron: No! Well... yes--but that's not it! These two also saw it, two nights in a row, before me. I tried talking to it twice but both times the cock crowed. It did. So there. 

Dinobot: ::Thinks:: Hrrrrmm... I will want to see this apparition for myself. Who guards tonight? I shall join them. 

Tigatron: ::Reluctant:: We do, my lord. 

Airrazor: ::Whines a bit:: Tigsyyyyy, how can we get private time with him arooouuund? 

Dinobot: ... 

Megatron: Don't ask. 

Dinobot: ::shakes head:: How did he look? 

Megatron: Pale, armed, sad. Probably has to do with his wife bumping uglies with that freak of an uncle of yours. 

Dinobot: Argh! Shut up! 

Megatron: ::Tries to look innocent:: 

Dinobot: ::Growls:: We will meet on the platform at around twelve. Now get lost. 

Megatron: ::Snorts:: 

_[Exit Megatron]_

Tigatron: ::Grins at Airrazor:: Our shift starts at eleven... 

Airrozor: Ooooh, Tigsy! ::Girlish giggle:: 

_[Exeunt both]_

Dinobot: ... 


	4. Act One, Scene Three

_Thanks for review to Albedo, Duel Mistress K, Cyberfrost, Lady Jet (LJ! *Glomp*) and Maelstrom. Hope you'll like the continuation._

_The Tragedy of_  
**Dinobot, Prince of Denmark**

**~~ACT ONE~~**

**Scene three:**   
_[Tarantulas' lair; Rhinox and Rattrap present]_

Rhinox: My necessaries are embark'd: farewell: and, sister, as the winds give benefit and convoy is assistant, do not sleep, but let me hear from you. 

Rattrap: ... 

Rhinox: ::Sighs:: I'm all packed. Don't forget to write. 

Rattrap: Eh, no worries. You're the only other sane person in this dump. 

Rhinox: ::Mutters:: "Other"? Anyway, I've noticed you hanging around prince Hamlet a lot lately. 

Rattrap: ::Smells himself with all signs of disgust:: Geez, the stench rubs off?! 

Rhinox: ::Facepalms:: What I'm trying to say is that his favour's but a fashion, and a toy in blood: a violet in the youth of primy nature, forward, not permanent, sweet, not lasting; the perfume and suppliance of a minute; no more. 

Rattrap: Yeah, sure t'ing. 

Rhinox: Err, forget it. He's a prince; he's not allowed to choose out of love, be it permanent or momentary. 

Rattrap: ::Laughing:: Man, and how long were that stuff spread over in the script? 

Rhinox: ::Growls:: Rattrap...! 

Rattrap: Yeah, yeah... ::Clears throat dramatically:: Verily, I say to thee, don't getcher own aft in trouble either. 

Rhinox: ::Decides to pretend he didn't hear it:: I stay too long:--but here my father comes. 

_[Enter Tarantulas]_

Rattrap: ::Mutters:: Oh, _joy_... 

Tarantulas: Are you still here, Laertes? How lazy of you! You should hurry! 

Rhinox: I know, father, I'll just-- ::Tries to hurry out:: 

Tarantulas: ::Grabs Rhinox by the arm and tries to look fatherly:: Let me give you some sound advice. 

Rattrap: 'ey, pops, I got a question first. Why'd I hafta wear this as a costume? 

Tarantulas: ::Lewd chuckle:: Because you look good in a dress. 

Rattrap: ... 

Rhinox: ... ::Tries to get free:: 

Tarantulas: ::Looks fatherly once more:: My son! Speak only after much thought; much like our great philosopher Shockwave said in his day, "Clarity of thought before rashness of action." And he had a point, I think, one that many scholars have debated through. Also, remember to be friendly, but not _too_ friendly, if you catch my drift. ::Chuckle:: The friends you do trust, tie them to you - with blackmail, if neccesary - but don't just accept the loyalty of everyone. Listen to many, but talk to few; listen to criticism, but-- 

Rhinox: Er, dad? I've got a boat to catch. 

Tarantulas: ::Snaps out of it:: Oh; right. Off you go. ::Chuckle:: 

Rhinox: ::Hurries out:: Remember what I told you, Ophelia! 

Rattrap: No worries, bro. 

_[Exit Rhinox]_

Tarantulas: What did he tell you? 

Rattrap: ::Fidgets:: Nothin'. 

Tarantulas: ::Dark look:: Ophelia... 

Rattrap: Jus' talked ta me about Hamlet, s'all. 

Tarantulas: Ah, yes, I hear he's been hanging around you lately... 

Dinobot: ::Off stage; growls:: Not of my own free will, I assure you. 

Rattrap: ::Looks off stage; smirks:: Oh, YES, father, he's been VERY loving and considerate. A true gentleman! 

Dinobot: ::Off stage:: ARGH! 

Tarantulas: ::Chuckles lewdly; snaps out of it:: Oh. Right. Hrm. That may well be, Ophelia, but you cannot trust his vows for he-- 

Rattrap: ::Bored:: Is this gonna be the same spiel Laertes gave me? 

Tarantulas: Er... Well. Yes. With some "youth is reckless" stuff thrown in. 

Rattrap: Right. And that I should stay away from him, right? 

Tarantulas: Slaggit, stop spoiling my lines! 

Rattrap: Sure t'ing, pops. I'll obey. ::Bounces off:: 

_[Exit Rattrap]_

Rattrap: ::Off stage:: "many tenders of affection", eh? ::Clang:: Ow! 'Ey! Slaggin' lizard... 


	5. Act One, Scene Four

_The Tragedy of_  
**Dinobot, Prince of Denmark**

**~~ACT ONE~~**

**Scene four:**   
_[Back outside; still cold and cloudy. Enter Dinobot, Megatron and Airrazor]_

Dinobot: ::Blinks:: A bit cold, isn't it? 

Megatron: ::Shuddering:: Cold?! It's bloody freezing! I don't know why I had to be dragged up here, just so you could chit-chat with the old stiff! 

Dinobot: ... Shut up, Horatio. 

Megatron: ::Rude gesture:: 

Dinobot: ::Ignores him:: What time is it? 

Airrazor: ::Costume in severe disarray; looks confused:: Er... twelve. You know, the time when we were meeting? 

Dinobot: Oh. Right. ::Cough:: I knew that. 

_[A loud 'YEEE-HAW!' is heard from the castle followed by a flurry of trompets]_

Megatron: ::Jumps:: AH! 

Dinobot: ... ::Growls:: Megatron, let go of me. 

Megatron: ::Stiffly pries his finger lose from Dinobot's now-dented shoulder:: What the firey pit was that?! 

Dinobot: ::Sigh:: The king has finished his cup. It's a custom. ::Looks dramatic as he enters another soliloquy:: But to my mind,--though I AM native here, and TO the manner born,--it is a CUSTOM more honour'd in the BREACH than the OBSERVANCE! This HEAVY-HANDED REVEL east and west makes us TRADUC'D and TAX'D of other nations! they CLEPE us DRUNKARDS, and with swinish phrase SOIL our addition! And, indeed, it TAKES from our achievements, though perform'd at-- 

Megatron: ::Utterly disinterested:: Uh-huh, if you're quite done whining, your father's coming. 

Dinobot: ::Sulk:: 

_[Enter Silverbolt]_

Dinobot: ::Melodramatic gasp:: Angels and ministers of grace defend us! ::Grabs hold of a bored-looking Megatron for support:: Be thou a spirit of HEALTH or goblin damn'd, bring with thee airs from HEAVEN or blasts from HELL, be thy intents WICKED or CHARITABLE, thou com'st in SUCH a questionable shape that I will SPEAK to THEE! I'll call thee Hamlet! King! FATHER! royal Dane; O, ANSWER me! 

Megatron: ::Smug smirk:: Tried it. Won't work. 

Dinobot: ... Would you shut up? 

Silverbolt: ::Looks noble and pained and beckons Dinobot with him:: 

Airrazor: It wants you to go with it! 

Dinobot: ::Back to drama:: Father! 

Airrazor: Don't go with it, my lord! 

Dinobot: It wishes to speak with me! 

_[Silence]_

Airrazor: ::Growls:: Megatron, I refuse to do all your lines. 

Megatron: ::Martyrial sigh:: But what if it tempts you to jump in the ocean and drown, or drives you to madness? 

Silverbolt: ::Beckons:: 

Dinobot: I shall go with it! Don't touch me, or I swear, I shall make ghosts of both of you! 

Megatron: ::Hasn't moved to touch him at all:: My lord, I plead with you. 

_[Exeunt Silverbolt and Dinobot]_

Megatron: ::Shrug:: Oh, well. 

Airrazor: We should follow him! 

Megatron: The hell we will! He walked into it; I say, if he dies good riddance. 

Airrazor: ... You, sir, are an incredible creep. C'mon! ::Drags Megatron with her:: 

_[Exeunt Megatron and Airrazor]_

_[Enter Airrazor]_

Airrazor: ::Mutters:: I can't believe I forgot this line... ::Calls out:: Something is rotten in the state of Denmark! ::Runs back out:: 

_[Exit Airrazor]_


	6. Act One, Scene Five

_The Tragedy of_  
**Dinobot, Prince of Denmark**

**~~ACT ONE~~**

**Scene five:**   
_[Upon a turret. Still cold and cloudy. Enter Silverbolt and Dinobot]_

Dinobot: Whither wilt thou LEAD me? SPEAK! I'll go no further! 

Silverbolt: ::Sweeps around, looking very noble:: Mark me! 

Dinobot: Er... sure. 

Silverbolt: ::Continues, oblivious:: My hour is almost come, when I to sulph'uous and tormenting flames must render up myself. ::Before Dinobot can show a reaction:: Pity me not, but lend thy serious hearing to what I shall unfold. 

Dinobot: ::Blink and nods blankly:: 

Silverbolt: ::Poses to the sound of fanfare:: I am thy father's ghost! 

Dinobot: ... Yes, well, I sort of figured. 

Silverbolt: ::Deflates a bit, pouting:: Oh. 

Dinobot: ::Waits:: Anything else? 

Silverbolt: Oh, yes! I must ask something! 

Dinobot: ::Back to overacting:: Anything, father! 

Silverbolt: ::Clears throat:: If thou didst ever thy dear father love, revenge his foul and most unnatural murder! 

Dinobot: Murder! 

Silverbolt: ::Nods solenmly, looking pained:: 'Tis given out that, sleeping in my orchard, a serpent stung me; so the whole ear of Denmark is by a forged process of my death rankly abus'd; but know, thou noble youth, the serpent that did sting thy father's life now wears his crown...! 

Dinobot: ::Stands for a second, translating it in his head:: Oh. Oh! My uncle! 

Megatron: ::Off stage; claps dryly:: 

Dinobot: ::Growls at him:: 

Silverbolt: ::Oblivious:: Ay, that incestuous, that adulterate beast, with witchcraft of his wit, with traitorous gifts,--o, wicked wit and gifts, that have the power so to seduce!--won to his shameful lust the will of my most seeming-virtuous queen: o, Hamlet, what a falling-off was there! From me, whose love was-- 

Dinobot: ::Notices the audience is either profoundly confused or half asleep; quickly:: So what you're saying is that I should kill Claudius because he killed you and married mother, right? 

Silverbolt: ::Blinks and pouts:: Well... yes. But I must ask, howsoever thou pursu'st this act, taint not thy mind, nor let thy soul contrive against thy mother aught: leave her to heaven, and to those thorns that in her bosom lodge, to prick and sting her. 

Dinobot: Er... yes, father. ::Lost:: 

Silverbolt: ::Swishes his wings dramatically, to much fanfare:: Adieu, adieu! Hamlet, remember me! 

_[Exit Silverbolt]_

Dinobot: ::Poses dramatically:: O, all you HOST of heaven! O, EARTH! what else? And shall I couple HELL?! O, fie!--Hold, my heart; and YOU, my sinews, grow not instant old, but bear me STIFFLY up!--Remember thee! 

Megatron: ::Off stage:: Hamlet, Hamlet! 

Dinobot: ::Growls and rushes along:: O, villain, villain, smiling, damned villain! My tablet, I'll write down that one may smile, and smile, and be a village--VILLAIN! At least, I am sure, it may be so-- 

_[Enter Megatron and Airrazor, at a run. They stop, Megatron "accidentally" shouldering into Dinobot, sending him sprawling]_

Airrazor: ::Whispers desperately:: We're too early! 

Megatron: ::Whispers back:: Did you want to listen to the rest of that wank? 

Dinobot: ::Scrambles up, glaring:: What?! 

Airrazor: How is it with you, my lord? 

Dinobot: I am well! I have wonderful news! 

_[Silence]_

Megatron: ::Taps foot:: Well? 

Dinobot: I cannot tell you; you'll reveal it. 

Airrazor: ::Indignant:: No! 

Megatron: Not unless someone payed me. 

Airrazor: ::Elbows him:: 

Dinobot: ::Ignores Megatron:: There's a villain dwelling in Denmark, but he's an arrant knave. 

Megatron: ::Snickers:: News, you said? 

Dinobot: ::Glare:: Why, you're right, Horatio, and thus I think we should merely shake hands and go pray! 

Airrazor: My lord, you speak madly. 

Dinobot: Sorry, sorry, but I must ask you never speak of the ghost to others! 

Airrazor: Heh, little late for that, my lord; Fransisco's all ready told every barmaid in Elsinore, and once _they_ get hold of gossip, you _know_-- ::Notices looks and shuts up:: 

Megatron: ::Sighs:: We won't, my lord. 

Dinobot: ::Pulls his sword:: Swear it! 

Silverbolt: ::Off stage:: Swear! ::Fanfare:: 

Megatron: ::Growls:: I swear. 

Airrazor: ::Nods:: I swear. 

Dinobot: Well, well, I hear not your intent! Swear! 

Megatron: ... That's not in the play. 

Airrazor: ::Sighs:: We swear! 

Silverbolt: ::Off stage:: Swear! ::Impressive trumpet fanfare; some wiseguy starts playing the Simpsons theme:: 

Dinobot: Well said, old mole! Swear! 

Megatron: ::Glares and slugs Dinobot:: We bloody well swear! 

Airrazor: ::Facepalms:: 

Dinobot: ::Rubs his jaw and glares at Megatron, but sheathes the sword:: 

Megatron: ::Blinks a bit:: Primus, that was gratifying. 

Dinobot: ::Growls:: My friends, from now on I must act as if mad-- ::Snaps at Megatron before he can say anything:: Shut up, Horatio --but do not be unnerved for it is a disguise in which I have swept myself. Come, my friends, and still be silent. The time is out of joint; O, cursed spite, that ever I was born to set it right! 

Megatron: ... 

Dinobot: ::Sulks a bit:: Come, let's go together. 

_[Exeunt]_

_end of_   
**~~ACT ONE~~**


End file.
